Watch this video by couples therapist Susan L. Adler. Take notes and keep a little cheat sheet on your fridge, desk, or next to the bed so you can make these into power tools in your marriage.
Small, easy to do action steps:
Remember: Small steps taken consistently create big changes over time.
Please "Like" and share. :-)
A reader wrote me asking what I thought about revenge cheating.
Don't do it!
It will not yield happy results. It's already a heartache to have been cheated on. But now is the time for you to take the high road of life. If you are a woman perhaps the most painful outcome is an unplanned pregnancy with someone you are not in a real marriage with. (Want to see what that looks like? Check out the TV show "Paternity Court" to see that pain.)
In life, giving people a "taste of their own medicine" will only backfire. People don't see their own reflections in others. (Hint: this is a powerful tool for personal growth but it is not for the faint of heart or those who enjoy being victims.) The way you can look at yourself in the mirror for the rest of your life is most important of all. You are hurt. Your hurt is real and deserves action and effort to heal. Revenge sex doesn't heal anything, it just complicates the situation even more.
There are experts who are compassionate about healing marriages where there has been cheating. Sometimes the damage can not be repaired. Sometimes the best thing to do is get out, heal, and begin again anew. How can you measure if you should stay or go? Of course that can't be answered on blog, you'll need to do an assessment of your marriage. (The three big deal breakers are abuse, addiction, and adultery.) Hopefully, you will consult with one or two people who are in successful, long-term marriages.
For more information I would recommend listening to Esther Perel. Filter what you need to and keep what is relevant to you and your relationship. The video below has over seven million views!
One of my favorite quotes is:
Some of your best memories
haven't happened yet.
Holding the frame of mind that you are still building your best memories means you're setting your expectations for great times ahead. Have you heard the expression "self-fulfilling prophesy"? Sometimes those are negative but they can also be positive!!
Give yourself the gift of looking forward with wonder and joy.
You'll see what you look for!
He's got some great things to say about men and women and marriage.
There is no such thing as a perfect marriage. Unless you count imperfections as perfectly perfect. No couple has a life without disagreement or irritations. A healthy couple has learned how to use tools to take the tough stuff of marriage, the hard parts of being in a committed, long-term relationship, and turn the challenges into triumphs.
Getting down on yourself or your partner for not being perfect will never be productive. So please explore this blog, check out our programs, read books, get advice from seasoned, happily married couples, or what ever else you can discover to grow in gorgeous ways in your precious marriage. You're not supposed to be perfect. Be forgiving and kind to yourself and your spouse and keep growing!
Author of ten books, teacher, and international speaker, Laya has helped thousands of people. She has a masters degree in Applied Psychology. You can see more of her writing at her websites: www.AuntLaya.com and www.NurturingWomen.com